When I say “freshly mowed grass” what memory comes to your mind? I was given a list of words and phrases and asked to write down the memory it triggered. When I smell fresh cut grass, what memory is stirred? Sight and smell are two incredibly strong triggers for memory. When I hear a certain song, it can instantly transport me to a place and time. The smell of certain foods or perfumes and even colognes (Old Spice anyone?) can jerk me from the present and reverse flash me to a specific moment in time that somehow clung to my neurons and brain waves over 40-50 years. It makes me wonder if anything is truly lost. A song can evoke a memory that brings tears and emotions. A certain aroma can bring us comfort and happiness, as well as a person’s voice, can bring fear and dread.
The older I get, the less I seem to remember. I know it’s there in my subconscious, but pushing it to the forefront is getting harder and harder. Yet sometimes, I’ll see something that will bring on a sense of deja vu. A feeling that you’ve done that before; a sense that you’ve been there before, and you have to wonder.
As a child, I remember sitting in the backseat of the car as we were on a road trip across the country one summer. We were in farm country. Miles and miles of wheat fields and cornfields. Barns, windmills, cows, and such. I was fascinated. I was a city girl so seeing guys on large tractors was new. All of a sudden I had the strongest sense of deja vu. Of course, I was too young to even know or understand what deja vu meant, but I excitedly started saying, “I remember this place daddy. I’ve been here before…” over and over. My mom and dad looked at each other in a weird way and said to me “Honey, you’ve never been here before. This is the first time you’ve even been in this state.”
In my mind, I knew I had been there. The feeling was so real, and I saw it in my mind’s eye in detail. The red barn, the green tractor, the telephone poles and wires, the fields of corn…Then the strangest thing happened. As quick as that intense feeling came, it started to vanish. Like a dream. It’s all so real one second, but when you start to tell someone about it, it literally starts to dissipate like a mirage. It becomes just out-of-reach. As I got older, I’ve had several of these “deja vu” moments. It’s as if in another life, I was there doing that very thing or standing in that specific spot. Who’s to say that I wasn’t?
Even the Bible talks about where we were before the foundation of the world. He was talking to Job, but every time I hear that statement, I take a dark dive into all the possibilities that entail. Pretty interesting. When God asks a question, I don’t think it’s because he’s looking for an answer. I’m confident He already knows the answer and is just patiently waiting for us small-minded humanoids to catch up and get with the program. I have no idea how God has managed to have so much patience with us over space and time. We are slow sometimes! Thick headed and stubborn most of the time.
That’s another topic altogether.
Back to the freshly cut grass… when I smell it, I think of going to the baseball field with my little brother to either practice hitting, pitching, running, etc… or actually watching one of his games. Summer, baseball, Saturday mornings after our grass in California was cut and the sprinklers were waving back and forth slow and lazy like.
Good memories for me. Maybe for others, it brought on bouts of sneezing, itchy eyes and runny noses.
Memories…the good ones, we cling to for as long as possible. The bad ones, we spend a lifetime trying to forget. Whether good or bad, I’m glad I have them. But just a word of warning: don’t get too lost in them, because they are all about the past. Not the future. You can hang out in the past for a while…just don’t get stuck. It’s easy to do. I’ve been guilty of doing just that. It starts to become comfortable and the future starts to look further out of reach.
Pull them out every now and then; enjoy, reminisce, remember, cry a little, laugh a little, then pack them away for another time, and move forward. Use them as a drink of cool water on a hot day, or as a reminder of what not to do, but don’t let them take over your life. I’m preaching to the choir here!
I think it was Bob Dylan who said, “take care of your memories. You can’t relive them.” I personally find that a little sad. For many people, the only good in their lives, are in some distant memory.
Lord help me to make new memories and quit wearing out the old.
Here’s to new adventures!
Pam Torres | Author 