Yesterday in church, I noticed that mom’s come in all different styles. Newbies…in the early stages of pregnancy; a little green around the gills, but excited that they will be a mama to their very own in a few months down the road. Both anxiety and joy fill their faces. The unknown lies ahead like a looming cavern of darkness. The dizziness of all the advice, opinions and ideas that rain down around them have turned the cute little journal called “How To Be the Best Mom” that she writes sweet little names, dreams and prayers in, into a stressful and frightening list of things to watch out for and the do’s and don’ts and have’s and have-not’s. That newbie is still really excited, but she has learned a valuable lesson. Keep the pregnancy a secret until you absolutely cannot fit into anything in your closet. And… telling people too early makes for a very long 9 months.
Next, you have the beautiful young woman who has two children; great figure; gorgeous hair-do’s and her kids are perfectly groomed; always prepared; and doesn’t look as though she’s had to wake up three or four times a night EVER. We all just watch and wonder. Stand amazed and ask, “How does she do it?”
Then there is the mother of three or more. The clothes are slightly wrinkled; hair is slicked back in a pony tail or top knot; kids have runny noses and have something spilled on the front of them or a button missing that you missed. During the prayer for the prayer requests, she nods off. When she opens her eyes, she notices the miss-matched socks of one and the other has enough dirt under their fingernails that you could grow a garden. (My mom use to say that).
Then there is the mother of the teens. She sits perfectly still. She’s the one praying and reading her Bible. Her hair has started to turn grey and she is chewing her lip or pulling at her hair. She wears a constant crease of worry down the middle of her forehead.
Then there is the mother with all of her babies out of the nest. Grown, married and starting there own lives. She is completely relaxed. Praising the Lord; smiling, singing and looks as if she has swallowed the pill that removes all stress, wrinkles, and sagging. She has done her job. She no longer has to be on constant “mom-mode” or “teaching mode”. Now is when she can start reaping the benefits.
Then there is the mom with her grandchildren. The joy; the happiness and satisfaction just radiates from the church pew. She is content in a way that never could have happened any other way. Her children may not rise up and call her blessed just yet, but her grandbabies do. As they age, the pressure and stress of watching them go through tough times; trials; suffering; temptation, etc…almost feels as if the cycle is starting over. But wait! It’s different. Grandmothers get the joy of loving unconditionally; teaching without having eyes rolled or the sassing back. Grandchildren listen and learn and are interested. When they lose interest and decide they’ve had enough…Grandmothers get to send them home. There job isn’t over, but this time, there job is to just love them, pray for them and be their when they need you. Because, they will need you.
As you can tell, I’m in that last group of mom’s. Kids are grown. I have five grandchildren and I’m so in love with each of them that sometimes it’s hard to breath when I hear that they are sick or struggling with something. It’s different then it was when I was parenting. I can’t really explain it, but its just a unique and special kind of love when you become a grandmother.
My point in all of this writing, is that there are all different kinds of moms. Tall, short, large, petite, light, dark, loud, quiet, listeners and talkers, comediennes and serious ones, introverts and extroverts, organized and clutter bugs, minimalists and shabby chic, ones who love the outdoors more than the indoors, ones who focus on crafts and DIY stuff and those who buy everything because they don’t have a crafty bone in their body. Some are spunky others are lazy, some are shoppers and others get nauseous if the wrack goes round too many times. Bottom line? It takes all kinds, because there are all different kinds of baby humans that need mothers.
God knows exactly which baby and mama to pair up together. He doesn’t make mistakes. It is true that there are some women who are not necessarily “mother models.” They may have given birth, but for some reason, that maternal instinct just didn’t kick in. That doesn’t mean it never will. I know women who are wonderful mothers, but when having very frank and honest conversation, they admitted that they just weren’t comfortable with their children when they were newborns/babies. Some just do better after the child gets older. School age, even. Others find complete ease with the newborns and young babies. It comes naturally to them. They may struggle as the child gets older and goes through that 12 – 18 year age span. I think if we were all truthful, we would have to admit that there were certain stages in our children’s lives that we did better with than others. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you human. I had a woman tell me that until her child started talking, she just didn’t connect with them at all. She did the necessities. Food, clothing, hygiene, protection. She loved them, but just didn’t really identify or connect, until later. Once they started communicating verbally and getting older, the mom was completely involved and had an amazing relationship with each of her children.
For me personally, I adored the whole babyhood stage and toddler stage. Even the early childhood 5- 10 years of age was fun for me. When they turned 12???? Honestly?? I would have happily sent them to an island to be raised by someone else until they were 18. That may sound harsh, but there were definite times when I felt that way. Just sayin! And I LOVED being a mother. It was the one thing I felt I was actually pretty good at, even with the mistakes and missed opportunities and words that came out of my mouth that I could never take back. I still loved it. My children were (and are) my sunshine, my greatest joys, my greatest accomplishment and my biggest fan club. I always figure I didn’t do too bad of a job at being a mom, because both of my kids still love hanging out with me. It’s a mysterious transition, the change from “mom” to “friend.” I often think that if my children weren’t my children, and I met them somewhere such as work, church, grocery store, restaurant…I would want to be their friend.
Mom’s wear so many different hats throughout their children’s lives. As newborns, mom is their protector and provider. From toddler to young adolescence, she is their teacher, trainer, mentor. Through the teen years, she is their teacher, trainer, drill Sargent (oops, did I really say that?), listener, motivational leader, biggest fan and confidante. Like I said…lots of different hats! And that wasn’t nearly all of them.
So mom’s, don’t stress about being perfect and raising perfect kids. Trust me, you’re fighting for something that isn’t realistic. Just love them; that’s you’re prime responsibility. Teach them by example, but make certain you get yourself fixed first, before you try to fix them. You can’t help someone else unless you’ve helped yourself first. Remember about the oxygen mask in a plane. You put yours on first…so you can live long enough to help the others. Get your own self in order before you expect your children to be in order. They are followers; sponges and will follow your lead whether you’re going in a positive direction or not. They trust you that much. That puts a great deal of opportunity on your shoulders.
Just love God; love your husband and be filled with joy unspeakable and a peace that passes all understanding, and your children will rise up and call you blessed, or at least tell you daily how much they love you. It may not be when they are 13 and an alien has invaded their brain for the next several years, but trust me, it will happen.
Keep your chins up moms…You’ve got this!
Just thinking out loud.
Pam Torres | Author 